Saba T.

Drip, Drip, Drip…

I watched Disney’s Encanto recently. Such a joy to watch. The colors, the music, the storyline – it’s a beautiful movie. But one song stayed with me, and I can’t stop listening to it. The beat is catchy, and the lyrics are so meaningful.

I sent this song to two of my friends. One replied, “We’re the Mirabels of our families.” I understand why she’d say that, but I believe we’re more Luisa’s than Mirabels. Let me explain why.

We’re a group of three, all firstborn daughters. Our family dynamics are quite similar, veering on uncanny. We each have two younger siblings, a brother and a sister, who we have to fend for, defend, explain after (except me who has an additional younger brother who’s autistic – more about him in another slice). Some of the expectations from us three are:

  • To have all the answers
  • To be the voice of reason
  • To be the model ‘child’ (even though we’re all adults)
  • To follow the rules as set by our parents

As you can imagine, it’s tough being all this and then trying to be your own person. All three of us have struggled with anxiety, identity, and we each have our own escapist fantasies. (We had a whole itinerary mapped out for a Norway trip in 2020…)

We love our families to death. We’d do anything for them – and we’re living that promise. But sometimes…

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that'll never stop, whoa
Pressure that'll tip, tip, tip 'til you just go pop, whoa-oh-oh
Give it to your sister, it doesn't hurt
And see if she can handle every family burden
Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks
No mistakes just

Pressure like a grip, grip, grip and it won't let go, whoa
Pressure like a tick, tick, tick 'til it's ready to blow, whoa
Give it to your sister and never wonder
If the same pressure would've pulled you under
Who am I if I don't have what it takes?
No cracks, no breaks
No mistakes, no pressure

26 comments

  2. Love this slice, sounds like you’re connecting to the journey that many of the characters take to acceptance. It’s got to be tough dealing with that pressure but hopefully art is providing you some cathartic energy. Thanks for sharing and keep writing! 🙂 PS You didn’t mention Bruno…

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  3. Kathleen, one of the co-authors wrote about this song yesterday. It is so relatable as a mom. I hadn’t thought about birth order. I’m a firstborn as well. Maybe that’s why it speaks to me as well.

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    • I talked about birth order with my Psychology class last semester. They discussed the differences between attitudes and responsibilities. It was quite an interesting class.

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  5. I sometimes say my two sons have their birth order mixed up- the younger one feels that internal pressure, the older, not so much. As for me (also the older in my family) some of it holds true. Thanks for sharing the song and your reflections.

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    • Sometimes birth order and attitudes reverse. I’ve seen this happen in a friend’s family and it was interesting to note how her youngest brother was the one who took on most of responsibility. Thank you for reading!

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  7. I recently watched Encanto, too, but I didn’t latch onto this song at first. I was so drawn to “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” that I couldn’t think about any of the other songs, but yesterday I read another slice about this song and how the lyrics are so relatable, particularly to first-borns (me too!). I feel like this so much of the time, even though I’m an adult now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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  8. Absolutely feel the same way!! I’ve had the song on repeat for weeks 🙂 I’m the firstborn, big sister and man if this doesn’t ring so true. Thanks for getting it!

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  11. It seems to me women feel these pressures more than men. I learned long ago to give some family members an upraised middle finger (figuratively speaking). I have a younger brother who lives w/ us; we are quite alone in this adventure. It isn’t easy. I don’t know the movie, and this is the first time I’ve heard the song, but it seems fitting given what you and your friends share.

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    • I agree, women do lean in to familial pressure more. I’ve begun to say “not my circus, not my monkeys” especially when matters of extended family come up. 🤣
      Thank you for reading.

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  12. I think that great friends are the keys to a wonderful life: how we support one another when we feel overwhelmed by helping others and then remind one another to take good care of ourselves. Thank you for sharing.

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