Saba T.

Flawed & Human

I forgot yesterday’s slice.

I remembered that I had to write and post a slice in the morning, and then something came up before I could start. That one thing led to another and another, and the tasks snowballed into a mountain.

Just as I climbed into bed last night, it came to me again. And by that time, I was done. I tried to will myself out of bed but I couldn’t. Even if I had gotten out of bed, turned on my laptop, opened Chrome, and then WordPress, I had nothing in mind to write about. My brain had turned to mush.

Of course, I felt guilty about it. It is a commitment I made to myself (and, in my mind, to all other slicers). I felt angry at myself for forgetting to write – something that gives me immense joy. I was well on my way down the dark path of self-admonishment.

Just as I was about to sleep though, I thought to myself, “No, I’m not doing this. I’m human, I forget stuff, it’s not the end of the world, I’ll do better tomorrow.” I decided to not obsess over the one thing I hadn’t done right in the whole day.

And I keep thinking – why am I so quick to punish myself? I give my colleagues and my students so much grace, I sit and listen and try my best to understand their perspectives and their problems. Why can’t I take a moment for myself? Why do I hold myself to this unreasonable standard of efficiency?

I’m realizing, albeit at a snail’s pace, that it’s okay to be flawed and human. And I’m learning that I need to truly let myself enjoy the little things that bring happiness to my life instead of making them a chore – such as writing/slicing.

And see, I actually did better today – I didn’t forget!

6 comments

  1. and even if you had forgotten again, it would have been alright. You got this.
    You did a great job of explaining the literal feeling of things piling, and then the realization that you are human. It’s a interesting moment to slice about and share.

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  2. Hey, Saba. I love this honest post. We’ve all been there. It’s okay if you are learning to be gracious with yourself “at a snail’s pace”. The important part is the learning. Take it from me, with aging comes wisdom that whispers kind words in your ear and helps you lighten up and enjoy life and forgive your flaws.

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  4. How wonderful that you were able to stop and realize that’s it’s okay to be forgettful and not perfect sometimes. It’s so true that we are hardest on ourselves. I was once in a yoga class and the instructor during savasana would share thoughts and this day it was about self talk. She asked, “Would you talk to a child the way you talk to yourself?” and I began to cry. I had been so cruel to myself and would NEVER have talked to a child – or anyone – the way I was treating myself. Such an important lesson and one we need to live by!

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      • It’s not like you purposefully decided to not blog. Life comes up and time can rush by. Being overwhelmed by exhaustion is not easy to push away, and often it’s better to rest and reset for the next day. And even when the March slicing is finished, you can write one more consistent day on your own if that makes you feel better with completion. Good job writing the reflection on what happened as well! That’s not easy

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